True Blood Snark-Cap - Episode 5.6: Hopeless

In a stroke of self-awareness, the True Blood powers that be (do they call themselves, “The Authority”?) named this week’s episode, “Hopeless.” I assume this is an commentary on the entire season. 

This week we had Eric, Alcide, Bill and Sookie finding Russell and delivering him to The Authority. Eric glamoured Alcide into being repulsed by Sookie (HA!), Bill fake-glamoured Sookie to say an overwrought and unnecessary good-bye and we revisited the fairy bar. Oh, yeah… and Russell is back. I don’t know about you, but this whole season feels like a collection of scenes building up to something that’s going to be, in the minds of the show-runners, “Big.” But I think that payoff is going to have to be awfully big to make it all worthwhile.

Obviously, the following “analysis” contains spoilers for Sunday’s episode of True Blood. If you haven’t seen it and want to remain free from spoilage, please don’t continue reading. Instead, I suggest checking out my review of Jennifer Echols’ latest, Such a Rush, or Sandra’s reflections on encouraging young people to get excited about reading.

In which I watch, so you don’t have to… 

  • It is way too convenient for Sookie to use her fairy mojo to get out of scrapes. It’s aggravating, because nothing is that hard for her, really. I really hate it when fictional characters’ obstacles are manufactured and there’s never any real risks for them. It’s just frustrating.
  • Random naked werewolf body FTW!

  • I keep forgetting the Iraq curse/firestarter storyline exists. And, yet… every week it comes back. Why? Why? Why?
  • Angsty staring between Bill and Sookie. Of effing course. I mean, I get that he thinks that his death is imminent, but at the same time I just don’t care about the Sookie-Bill pairing anymore. It was finished ages ago and now the tension just isn’t there. 
  • Ah, Eric… classy manipulation of Alcide with the glamouring. Naturally.
  • I love that the werewolf child is a husky puppy. That makes sense. Also, how does she know how to get to her grandmother’s house? These little details that are never explained drive me crazy.
  • Luna isn’t dead? Dammit. (Also, this is the first time I’ve actually remembered that character’s name.)
  • Alcide with the pink bedding. I really much screencap that. Obviously.

  • Alcide is the first dude who’s had any sense to recoil from Sookie. And, of course, in the tradition of nothing bad ever really happening to Sookie, she’s able to quickly unglamor him with her fairy mojo. *sigh*
  • Lafayette and his mom… *YAWN*
  • Wait, wait… is that Sookie, ACTUALLY WORKING?! Stop the presses!
  • *snicker* Sam is literally offering to help the sheriff “sniff out” criminals.
  • There are so many Apple computers in the Authority Headquarters; I hope they get a bulk purchase discount. Wonder if they subscribe to Apple Care or live on the edge like I do? P.S. Anyone remember how in the books Bill becomes a computer geek?
  • Antique bloods? *shudder*
  • Have I ever mentioned that I generally don’t like vampire shows/books/vampires? I am a bit to squeamish for all the blood and gore. And I think vampires are profoundly unsexy. And yet… I’ve read most of the these stupid-ass books and religiously watch True Blood. It’s inexplicable. 
  • Eric has a different hair color this season. It’s more brownish. I’m actually okay with this. In case you were wondering about my official stance on this Very Important Issue.
  • “Arlene, if I stay will you, you will die.” Stay, with her Terry, stay with her!
  • Oh course Sookie and Jason are wandering around a field looking for a fairy bar. 
  • Hoyt’s character has become completely pointless. Let me get this right: He’s depressed and letting vampires eat him… that makes sense. 

  • This fairy bar… what’s with the granny panties? Because that’s super sexy.
  • And I really don’t understand the fairy bar. Maybe it’ll be explained later, but who are the customers? Is it turning a profit? How did Hadley get her job there? Has it been there for awhile or is this a new bar to rival Merlotte’s? Right now, it’s just another random, unexplained True Blood plot point. 

  • What the what? The fairy light vortex? Wha-huh?
  • They can execute people with remote control?! How handy and efficient!

  • SPOILER ALERT!!!!! Please let Christopher Meloni’s character be dead-dead. Pleeeeeeeeeease.  On a related note, Christopher Meloni/Roman has the most unappealing muscles outside of major league baseball, if you know what I mean

Notable Quotables

This is not your house. It is mine. Got it?
I’m just gonna stay here and quietly slip into a coma.
—Sookie  (Really, aren’t we all after this season?)
Enough of this religious bullshit. Lillith can fucking blow me.
I’m exercising my right to be a dirty fangbanger.
—Hoyt (This is probably the only good line Hoyt’s ever gotten.)
“In the name of my ass.”
—Russell (I swear, he and Pam have most of the best lines.)

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