HBO is so wacked out about the possibility of people watching their show with subscribing to an expensive cable package, that they have all kinds of “failsafes” on the HBOGo streaming app that often prevent legit subscribers like me from watching their shows.

This morning, I logged on to zip through yesterday’s craptastic episode of True Blood and snag some screencaps (because the ones that HBO releases are so nonsensical, I can’t even deal) and I repeatedly got the message that my session had timed out. I couldn’t watch more than a few seconds without getting this error message. So, anyway… you have the jerks at HBO to thank for this post sucking and not having any fabulous pictures.

And… By the way, here’s my little love note to HBO.

Dear HBO,

In case you didn’t realize, there are many, many ways to watch your programming without a subscription—don’t make it so hard for your paying customers. It kind of disincentivizes people from actually, you know, giving you money. I want to give you money—stop making me feel like you hate me and the rest of your paying customers by treating us like pirates.

xoxox, 

Sarah

So, we’ve decided… until this season gets its act together and stops sucking, we’re referring to these recaps/analysis as “Snark-Caps.”

(Thanks to Laura for the brilliant name.)

This season is just so ridiculous and convoluted, I have no words to describe its suckitude. I mean, the Orgy Season was pretty bizarre, but at least the story was united under an umbrella of bizarre. This season, is just like a series of random vignettes that have no interconnection. I wonder if they’re working up to something, or if they’re really going for the soap opera-style of storytelling now? Other than the Pam-Eric scenes, the rest of this episode was just full of WTF—and not the awesome kind. I mean, was anyone even shirtless in this episode?!

Obviously, the following “analysis” contains spoilers for Sunday’s episode of True Blood. If you haven’t seen it and want to remain free from spoilage, please don’t continue reading. Instead, I suggest checking out Renegade’s intro to romance novels—she made my to-read pile a whole lot bigger. 

This season of True Blood could not be more disappointing, am I right? Thus far, there has been very little shirtless Eric, no shirtless Alcide and too much Tara.

The only saving grace as been the Pam and Eric backstory, which I LOVE. 

This week, in addition to old-timey Eric and Pam, we had Emo Jason, angsty Alcide, more Arlene WTFery and Hoyt dressed up a an outfit borrowed from 50 Shades of Grey. What could go wrong? 

Oh, right, a lot. 

Obviously, the following “analysis” contains spoilers for Sunday’s episode of True Blood. If you haven’t seen it and want to remain free from spoilage, please don’t continue reading. Instead, I suggest checking out this wonderful review of Flirting in Italian from our fabulous new contributor, Rebeca (whose name auto-corrects on my phone as “Renegade”).

Old-timey Eric. YES.

Oh, True Blood… Last night’s episode, Authority Always Wins, was quite possibly the worst ever.

And that’s saying something.

We had Annoying Tara as Annoying Vampire Tara. We had Bill being a drip—shocker, I know. Eric had maybe one good line—and was not shirtless at any point. The Arlene-Terry-Noel-Firestarter storyline is seemingly pointless. And I couldn’t care less about Sam and his shapeshifter girlfriend’s troubles. The continued saga between Hoyt and Jason. And Jessica and Rev. Newland fighting over Jason. I started counting the various subplots in this episode and lost track, but I’m guessing it was over ten. Let’s hope this isn’t a sign of what to expect from the rest of the season. 

Obviously, the following “analysis” contains spoilers for Sunday’s episode of True Blood. If you haven’t seen it and want to remain free from spoilage, please don’t continue reading. Instead, I suggest checking out my review of C.K. Kelly Martin’s amazing new book for adults, Come See About Me.

“You’re in quite the pickle.” *snicker*

Thoughts and Reaction

We’re mixing things up a bit and “analyzing” one of our favorite crappy television shows, True Blood. It’s book-related, right? I mean, who hasn’t accidentally read six Sookie Stackhouse books in a row before realizing that they’re truly terrible? Right? Right? Ahem.

Obviously, this “analysis” contains spoilers for the latest episode of True Blood, so if you haven’t watched and want to remain free from spoilage, I’d suggest you not read this post. Instead, I recommend you read this post about Laura’s husband wanting to read books about werewolves fighting vampires. 

Bill’s sexile outside the shipping container was kind of priceless.

Thoughts & Reaction

• True Blood opens with Bill and Erik… scrubbing the floors? They can come by my house next, since it’s totally filthy. Except Bill can stay back at Sookie’s and mope or whatever else Bill does in his spare time. 
• Random thought: Am I the only one who totally forgot about the demon baby? That’s the sort of WTFery I’m surprised isn’t straight from the book.
• Please let Tara be dead-dead, not just undead. *crosses fingers*
• Jason Stackhouse is naked constantly. I get that it’s part of his character and all but all I can think about is his character from Home and Away and it’s just super awkward.
• Pam in a yellow flowered Wal-Mart sweatsuit=omigod.